She Faces Backlash After Candidly Discussing the Realities of a Large Family with Her Sister-in-Law
AITA
Her brother-in-law (BIL) accuses her of manipulating his wife and being jealous, even though she had only tried to provide an honest perspective when asked. Public opinion leans towards the woman not being the "asshole" for telling the truth and bringing up valid points for her SIL to consider before having multiple kids.
Ah, the joys and tribulations of having a big family! They say it takes a village to raise a child, but what does it take to raise six? Is it a question of finances, emotional bandwidth, or perhaps a delicate balancing act of both?
A Family That Plays (and Pays) Together, Stays Together
Meet our storyteller—a 38-year-old woman married to a 42-year-old man. Together, they have successfully crafted a bustling household of six children: three biological and three adopted. Financially, they're sitting pretty, with a high six-figure combined income, debt-free living, and a fully paid-off house. Needless to say, their version of the American dream is well within grasp. But what happens when another couple in the family decides they want a piece of that big-family pie?
The Inquisitive Sister-in-Law
Enter the Sister-in-Law (SIL), married to our protagonist's brother-in-law (BIL). The couple is considering taking the plunge into parenthood. Intrigued and slightly overwhelmed by the idea of having a large family, the SIL turns to our storyteller for a dose of reality—brutal honesty about the nuts and bolts of managing a tribe.
The Brutally Honest Reality Check
Warning her SIL that their situations differ significantly, especially financially, our protagonist lays down the hard truths. With their generous income, she and her husband can afford luxuries like two nannies and have even considered the costly options of surrogacy and adoption. Meanwhile, her days are already jam-packed taking care of their youngest child with health issues, even with all the extra help.
The Unexpected Backlash
The SIL, digesting this candid talk, eventually chats with her husband, advocating for a more spaced-out approach to having kids. The reaction? Accusations fly towards our storyteller of manipulation and jealousy. The BIL suggests she's trying to be the "only one with the big family," as if their lives were some competitive reality show.
The Real Questions
Was our protagonist in the wrong? Did she step over a line by being transparent about her own situation? Was she supposed to sugarcoat the reality of having a large family, even when explicitly asked not to?
At the end of the day, if we can't rely on our family for honest advice, who can we turn to? While her intention was merely to prepare her SIL for the rollercoaster ride of a large family, she has ended up in the middle of a domestic dispute. Is she really an "AH" for speaking her truth, or is this a case of the messenger getting shot?
Comments
"You told her the truth instead of the rose-tinted version BIL would have preferred you told her. Now he is accusing me of manipulating her, and being a jealous bitch who wants to be the only one with the big family. Why doesn't he want high living standards for his kids? NTA. Your BIL very well know that what you said was true, and it must hurt to know that his big family plan will probably not work because of their life choice and lack of money. They are just shooting the messenger."
"NTA. Normally telling people about your wealth isn't the best idea, but in this case, having such a high income IS how you manage to have six kids, and you were right to be upfront about it. Coming from a neglectful family, they should be more concerned with the kids’ wellbeing than the amount of kids they have. Having more kids than you can take care of is neglectful and often leads to the older kids being forced to be surrogate parents to the younger ones. This doesn’t only neglect all kids’ needs but it also steals the childhood of the kid/parents. They should be happy you brought these concerns up before their many kids are born. If they want to be the parents they say they want to be, they would be invested in learning what they can now about what is best for their future family."
"You’re NTA but I’d recommend you have your husband talk to his brother about what you’re saying because him disrespecting you just because you said a truth he didn’t like is unacceptable."
Your Thoughts
Now, we turn the microphone to you. Was she in the wrong for being brutally honest about her experience of raising six kids? Or did she do her SIL a service by opening her eyes to the less-glamorous sides of a large family? Share your thoughts below!